I am going to be straightforward here. Do you like Facebook? I mean, is it just a casual connection or you go in way too deep into the Labyrinth. So you can live without it, but the application to tap a mouse the fastest among your friends holds a strange appeal? Or is it just a tiny break you take between work to kick some Mafia butt, and a few minutes somehow turns into an hour or two? Welcome to the world of Facebook addiction. Panic not, because you are not alone. In all possibility, you belong to a vast majority.
And if you think: shoo!! Who cares about the stupid networking site! I’m so not addicted! I would like to insist that you just go through the preliminary process and find out if you are, in fact, truly clean of the Facebook bug.
10. The first thing you do when you log in: Do you check whose birthday it is today? Because, you feel that gifting a cake with candles from the Facebook gift shop is a pretty warm gesture. And you like to be remembered as a caring person with a sound memory. Worry not, if your case stops right here, I would only say that your infection is mild. Or that you are just what it seems: a caring bloke. Cheers!!
9. What you do with wall posts: Do you just cross them out? Or do you read them, demonstrate the appropriate emotion and move on? Maybe you feel like clicking the little “Like” button in the bottom, eh? Steady mate, you are treading on treacherous paths. You need to show your interest in every post on your wall, or anyone else’s, for that matter. And if someone replies back, you follow up the notifications to check out what’s his issue. Friend, if you have come this far, you may still turn, with a little more sleep and some self-resolution. Godspeed!!
8. Ah! Someone just poked me!: And then you patiently back-poke every single one of them and hunt around for more ‘pokable’ areas. You wonder if that makes people really remember you, or they just mechanically poke you back. Then you search your list, or elsewhere, for someone with whom you haven’t exchanged words for quite some time now, and hover over the “Poke XYZ” button, praying to Lord Almighty for some valuable insight. Hmm. Some medication might still save this guy.
7. You have more than 500 friends: Most of whom, you added up from communities just to have some new farming neighbours, and hardly even remember their names. You just needed a few more contacts to gain more neighbours than your nemesis. After all, the end justifies the means? I think this is where you might start needing help.
6. You thoroughly trust Anita the online Psychic’s predictions: In fact, more than your own instinct. She told you that you can only speak right today. And you wonder the clients weren’t screaming in joy after your presentation. Wake up; she just doles out wisdom randomly. You probably checked out yours at the wrong instant. Somehow, now I feel like I am just talking to a wall…
5. Only things you can talk about are Mafia Wars loots and Godfather points: Especially on a date. The moment she sits down in front of you, you start rattling off details about your latest bout, your mafia size, and the last time you gained coveted loot. If she dumps her plate on your head and sprints away, we have reason to believe this world will be saved. However, if she starts replying about which achievements she is finished with and requests Halloween special crates as a Valentine’s gift, only Providence can save you from what it bestowed you with.
4. Changing your status to married, just for fun: And you know that one is a surefire way of grabbing a lot of eye-balls on the way to stardom. Because, people who haven’t bothered to notice that you were alive, are suddenly all over you. Your social circle is abuzz with news of the latest doomsday. And at last, after all the cheering has subsided, you calmly quip that it was just a joke. More twisted than funny, that is what I would say about your sly ways. You would surely remember the story of the boy who cried wolf? I am not warning you. I would just like you to keep that story in mind, for future reference.
3. Holy cow! Has it really been that long?!: You hyperventilate in panic, as you look at the digital clock on your screen. You had sat down in front of the computer, just a little after finishing dinner, for a little refreshment before you gave finishing touches to your presentation due at 9 AM tomorrow. After a few pokes, a little Mafia, some post replies, commenting on your friend’s new photos, you decide to check if you took more than ten minutes. And then you almost choked on yourself when the clock seemed to be ticking around for a totally new day. I personally know what this one feels like. So, I believe I am qualified enough to tell you now: You are in some real trouble, son.
2. Status reports-always updated: Though this one may superficially make you seem like a punctual person, who likes to stay rooted to the ground, there is some really deep mind thing going on inside you. For one thing, you need to tell everyone what you just did, even if it was something as insignificant as tripping on a banana peel on the street. You need to know how your friends feel about it, and if they aren’t quick, you might as well post some pictures about it to consolidate the information. And come whatever may, updating your status is the first and the last thing whenever you are alive on the site. I would prescribe you to some sessions on the electric chair, and maybe a few Valium shots, to be managed once every few hours.
1. And your browser Home Page is: Facebook? Really? I give up.
For your own safety and sanity, I hope you didn’t connect with anything past 4. If you did reach 2, I will still be with you. Those lasting till number 1, and looking for more, I might as well get a restraining order against!
Share
No comments:
Post a Comment